Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it.
Man, n.: a grown boy smoking a cigar. (out of order but needs to be close to boy for effect)
(1) An orderly system for living beyond your means.
(2) An attempt to live below your yearnings.
(1) A person who cuts red tape sideways.
(2) A politician who has tenure.
Business, n: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence.
(1) A futile endeavor to place an insignificant white ball into an obscure little hole, using weapons entirely ill-suited to the task.
(2) A sport wherein one balances a ball an inch-and-a-quarter in diameter on a ball 8,000 miles in diameter, and then tries to hit the small one.
Litigation, n: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
Sex, n: The most fun you can have without laughing or smoking a cigar.
Sweater, n: Garment worn by child when it's mother is feeling chilly.
User, n: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."