Not your average dictionary

Some excerpts:

Boy, n.: a noise with dirt on it.

Man, n.: a grown boy smoking a cigar. (out of order but needs to be close to boy for effect)

Budget, n:
(1) An orderly system for living beyond your means.
(2) An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Bureaucrat, n:
(1) A person who cuts red tape sideways.
(2) A politician who has tenure.

Business, n: The art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence.

Golf, n:
(1) A futile endeavor to place an insignificant white ball into an obscure little hole, using weapons entirely ill-suited to the task.
(2) A sport wherein one balances a ball an inch-and-a-quarter in diameter on a ball 8,000 miles in diameter, and then tries to hit the small one.

Litigation, n: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Sex, n: The most fun you can have without laughing or smoking a cigar.

Sweater, n: Garment worn by child when it's mother is feeling chilly.

User, n: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."